..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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