How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
