so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
