My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize