Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
