I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
