i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
