i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
