I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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