My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
