Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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