I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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