nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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