dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
