you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
