I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
