Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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