her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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