I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
