Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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