would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
