I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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