for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I didn't notice because vodka
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
