i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
