it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
