went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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