I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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