If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
