I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
