This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
