i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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