she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
