I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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