I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
