Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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