so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
