Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
