Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
