id be glad to
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
