White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
