My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
