He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
