Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
