The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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