Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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