Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
