I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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