I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
