I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
