she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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