literally had 100 drinks last night.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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