Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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