There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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