Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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