Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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