Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
