I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
