There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
