Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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