Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
