Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
