he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had to cum in my sink.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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