I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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