the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
