Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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