I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
