First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
