I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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