I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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