ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
