I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
