He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
