she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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