I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
