Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
