hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
