HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
