11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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