I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
