My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
