my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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