I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
