i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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