is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
