you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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