I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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