I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
